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I was a "poor me" drunk, read the Bible, sing songs from my hymnal, then I'd drink a little more. I did all the regular things - wasted money, lost time at work, was too tired to do much cleaning, and was so nervous that I didn't drive a car for one whole year. Didn't visit friends who didn't drink. My body just needed alcohol to function much at all. I drank every day for most of 20 years (did have short sober periods but not really any very long ones). It actually gave me energy before I had too much - relieved my mind of worries. I was full of the fear I was being punished by God, that I never thought about the devil.
The devil couldn't actually get me because I was already saved by the Grace of God and Jesus. But he sure helped me pile up a long list of sins to be accountable for.
And, my family, especialy my parents and my daughter - what I have put them through. My daughter will continue to suffer to some degree her entire life because of my disease and lack of control of it. This the heaviest guilt I still carry with me.
I'll end with a note again about my Mama - about 4 years ago I was reading the Bible, and came upon the verses below. I immediately called my Mama and talked about them with her.
She got to see me pretty well get sober and I believe she felt I would be strong enough to stay this way. One day at a time. I only wish my daddy could have known this, but at least he had gone to be with the Lord before the final stages of my acoholism hit me so he did not have to see that.
Please read the verses below. Thank you.
1 Peter 5
8Be sober, be vigilant; because [3] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 9Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. 10But may [4] the God of all grace, who called us [5] to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. 11To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
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